Burying Your Self in the Busy

This is what I label… busy-ness. When the world shut down came… how many of you took a deep breath and had no idea what to do with yourselves? How many of you divorced your spouse… or broke up with your significant other? How many of you… broke up with yourself?

How many of you wear busy like a medallion? Or use it as a crutch or an excuse as to why you didn’t get somewhere, get back to someone, be somewhere, finish something etc. etc. Do you read obituaries? Like I mean, really read them? It was Dr. Gabor Mate, who brought this awareness to me, it was ready to land for me, I guess. (I won’t go into explanation of the badge I was wearing but let me just say it was ridiculous). Today I challenge you to look back at some of your loved ones you have lost too soon. What did their Eulogy say about them? What was the badge they were wearing, most likely unaware of, but displaying just the same. Digest that for yourself. Where are you burying yourself? What are you relying on to bring you life? Are you relying on everything outside of yourself, to sustain yourself? If the latter is the case, what do you stand to lose if something were to happen to that outside source?

I want to pose four questions for you, to ask yourself. To begin the process of getting to know who you are. Whether you need to look in the mirror and ask your reflection and then watch the response show in your body or on your face. Maybe sit with a journal and write them down and then listen to yourself for the answers. Maybe you just sit with a warm cuppa and read and then ponder or go for a drive or walk or whatever you do to be with your thoughts. I strongly encourage you to be alone with your thoughts and stop burying yourself in the busy.

First Question: “Am I meeting my needs physically?” This can look like what you learned in school as food, shelter, clothing etc. Or you can expand it to sleep, health, safety, free from trauma, violence, addiction, nutritious food, physical health activity, mental health, creativity, sufficient restorative sleep, able to breathe without obstruction and so on. Be honest with yourself here. The one person who needs to hear or read or see this truth is the one writing, or looking in the mirror, or pondering over the cuppa and so forth. NO ONE ELSES ANSWERS MATTER, ONLY YOURS.

Second: “Am I meeting my emotional needs?” Perhaps, you may not know what this question is asking, so I will rephrase this in a way that breaks the question down more: Do you feel balanced in your daily life? When our emotional needs are acknowledged and addressed in a healthy manor, we experience peace and happiness. It truly is this simple. Are you overly sad? Emotional needs aren’t met. Are you overly angry? Emotional needs aren’t met. You get the picture? Meeting your emotional needs is your responsibility. Do your due diligence here and investigate what your emotional needs are, and what needs to be addressed. We are all born with emotional needs, it is time to stop pretending that acknowledging this part of ourselves makes us weak. I believe the deep seeded belief in society that we need to ignore our emotions, is what weakens humanity. Science has proven, the frontal cortex does not develop properly if emotional needs are not met in our childhood. Emotional neglect revealing itself in adult form can look like relationship issues, lack of problem-solving ability or trouble learning, just to name a few. I am merely shedding light on topics of discussion most are uncomfortable with. That’s me…  asking you to get comfortable in the uncomfortable. I am not asking you to be up in everyone’s faces about what your emotions are. What I am asking you to do, is to acknowledge what you are truly feeling, understanding your secondary emotions, drilling down to the root of the emotion and understanding what the message is. Overly angry? Anger is a secondary emotion to hurt, fear or frustration. What is a secondary emotion? A reaction to our own thoughts and feelings! What are you truly feeling? Dig deeper. Do better for yourself.

Third question: “Am I meeting my needs spiritually?” Have you found what you believe in? Do you practice faith? Do you feel safe expressing your faith? Do you feel like you belong to a way of thinking or belief system? Do you feel hope? What is sacred to you? What defines your morals? What do you find beautiful? What is your belief around death? Does the way you were brought up feel forced in your nature? Do you feel you have a choice in what you believe/practice? Does your faith serve your beliefs? Are you serving your faith?

Fourth question: “Am I meeting my sexual and sensual needs?” Did your face turn red when you read that? Or a stomach clench volunteered itself? Yes or No? Be honest. The answer matters. This can be a big can of worms, so-to-speak, if you let it be. Depending on your upbringing, sex was most likely a taboo subject in your home. You maybe stumbled on your Dad’s playboy magazines or rode the bus to school and listened in on the conversations of the older kids, and that was to be your sex educational system. Either way… there was A LOT of misinformation. Let me pose some subset questions to this topic: Do I feel connected to my partner? What does connection look and feel like for me? Is it physical stimulation or emotional intimacy or both? Do I desire my partner? Am I aroused by my partner? Does sex feel natural or forced? Do you feel safe being intimate? What does Intimate mean to you? What are your preferences? Can you identify what stimulates you? (not what turns you off). Do you want physical touch? Foreplay? Be specific. Variety of positions? Exploration? What does this look like for you?

This is just a glimpse of what taking a deeper look within can look like. Every individual is unique. None of us are the same… if you need validation for this… think fingerprints. My blog is merely here to encourage you to begin the journey that lies waiting within you. I want to empower you. Let me ask you one more question, to ponder… “If you can’t answer these questions, how can you expect someone else to know the answers for you?”