Mechanic VS Mind Reader
Recently I had the privilege of a visit with my Mechanic, while picking up my vehicle. The conversation began with small talk and spiraled into much more. It became apparent to me there was a bee in his bonnet that he was willing to explore, so I engaged. He started with a basic summarization of all women, and how he hasn’t figured out what they need from him in order to have a healthy relationship. Hmmm… what THEY need from him? I believe the common misconception in today’s society, is fixing people. Somewhere along his way, there has been an infringement on healthy boundaries, and now it has become the norm to think as an individual it is his responsibility to fix someone else. The question rephrased would say: “What do I need to work on within myself, in order to have a healthy loving relationship?”
First, as a Mechanic, I can see from his perception, how this would be a role he felt he should take on. In his profession, people bring vehicles with issues to him and he is expected to assess, remediate and deliver back to the customer with a clean bill of health, so to speak. So I can understand how he would take that work perception home with him, but that is where the boundary gets blurry. The only person he is responsible for fixing, is himself. Quite different from his profession and certainly immensely different from the perspective of the collective way of thinking.
Women/Men, listen up. If you are sitting in your comfy chair every night stewing about how unhappy you are and wishing your man/woman would read your mind… STOP IT. Start with getting clear within yourself what your needs are. Once you have a better understanding of those, communicating precisely what you desire in your relationship, to your partner will be beneficial for all involved. Leaving your brain waves open for the hopes your man/woman might catch them… isn’t fair to him/her OR your relationship. You are doing a disservice to yourself in the long run. Causing resentment, frustration and most likely a future breakup or divorce… all because you couldn’t communicate, which in turn becomes a huge finger-pointing fest.
Secondly; If Mr. Mechanic does the work on himself, the rest of his desires will eventually fall into place. A healed man will attract a healed woman and vice versa. Someone who takes responsibility for themselves and takes the steps required to heal, isn’t weak, it is a sign of self-awareness. Someone willing to look inside themselves and say “yes, I have been through some pretty amazing times and some pretty rough times. I don’t condone the individuals for their actions towards me, but I am willing to take responsibility for mine from this moment forward.” - that is an empowered individual right there. He is willing to take responsibility for who he is now and going forward. No more blame game, finger pointing and projecting, no… he is willing to look within because he is ready for change.
This is a powerful position to be in, my Friends. He was able to recognize the weight he was carrying for not being able to fix his ex-girlfriend. It was never his burden to carry in the first place. This is a huge step in a healing direction for him, one I am excited to be included in.
I believe society views talking about your feelings, as a show of weakness. The issue is not about talking about your feelings… rather than recognizing there is an appropriate time and place to process our trauma and grievances. With the take off of social media, trauma dumping became the norm, blurring boundaries left, right and center. This gave birth to keyboard warriors, more hate spewing in an already heavily over burdened society. I’m sure you hear the saying often, “Everyone has a story”, and that statement is very true. What if I said, it isn’t the story that matters, so much as the meaning you give the story that makes all the difference? How many of you are willing to look yourselves in the mirror and say, “My story, no longer controls who I am.” …? Again, not condoning the actions from others in the past, but no longer allowing those actions to control your present and future self. This is where the work begins, my friends. Self awareness is key to change. The only mind you will truly benefit from reading, is your own.
